This has been quite a week! I’m taking part of the day today to just let it all settle and sink in. Sometimes I don’t recognize my own life as it continues to twist, turn, and swirl all around.
I know it’s the bigger picture of coming to a place of calm and balance but sometimes it’s just not easy. I’ve learned to accept that, and it’s ok. 🙂 I feel in a sense like something is off or missing, I just can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but I also feel I may not need to know just yet either until all the purging/shifting has settled.
I don’t really know where to start? I guess in a nutshell I’ll try to summarize:
- I had a really strong reaction to the word “hook up” recently when someone used it with me. Though I’ve had a “go with the flow” attitude this summer about who I chose to be with, suddenly this word set me off. I realized the flowing attitude no longer serves me, but instead I need someone more stable/serious in my life.
- Last Friday night I was out, and some guy said to me that typically he isn’t attracted to girls with nose piercings, but it was “fine for a fun Friday night.”
- That REALLY set me off! No no no! Not the vibe I want anyone to EVER think of me as! This brought me back to a guy I was seeing last year who said he was seeking a girl who was more than a “fun Friday night” and someone who’d be at his side during the day on a Saturday. I’d never heard this term before…so when this guy last week said this, it was a HUGE button.
- I saw this last week and it evoked another large reaction within my body:
- I’ve done this in the past, and I thought I learned…but because it brought something up in me, I realized that I still tend to do this. I worked so hard last year to focus in on learning how to live in a more heart-centered way, meaning that wanted equal give and take in any relationship I have. I’ve noticed recently I was deviating from that, and I’m glad my body spoke so loudly to me that I needed to stop.
- My sacral chakra FINALLY has calmed down and I feel balanced for the first time in nearly 6 mo. A visit with Matt (my musician friend) helped me with this. I returned home with a new perspective! I went to bed, and woke up 2 hours later with an amazing sense of peace in my sacral, and I could feel heat leaving my body all over, particularly through my feet. I felt grounded in a way my root hasn’t yet felt since moving to MA! I checked in with my guides, who told me I was getting balanced for the first time in a while, and they told me to finish the process to take an epsom salt bath, so I did that morning. I felt fresh and renewed!
- I went out with a new guy twice last week who was the complete opposite of all this – he is the package, and certainly intrigues me. It’s clear he’s got himself together, is looking for something real, and is a complete and total gentleman. I love how the Universe throws me such opposites. 😉
- Labels are getting the best of me. I am tired of not being accepted and/or judged for being me for one reason or another. I live in Beacon Hill (a big deal in Boston), I live alone (a rarity), I am psychic (people often back away), I have a nose piercing (I’m a rebel), and I’m not Jewish (the last 3 men I’ve been interested in have been, and it causes conflict). GRRRRR! It was disheartening to me the other day and I just had to cry. Why can’t people be okay with each other as we are?
Between my reaction to the word hooking up, the reaction I had about that guy saying what he did to me about my nose piercing being ok for a Friday night, and my need to cry/release emotions about labels, I think it’s clear that the path I’ve been on is shifting and the vibe I’ve been giving is out of alignment with where my soul now is. I pay attention to such things in 3’s, and the common denominator is me.
I’ve been debating removing my nose piercing for a couple months now, and it came to me that now it’s time to remove it. I asked for 3 specific opportunities for self-empowerment (which is what my little stud was helping me to embrace) and I’ve recently realized that I’ve gotten those opportunities to stand up for myself as I feel more strong and solid in my solar plexus. Therefore, the little stud can now be removed. 🙂 I’ve only had it a little over a year. It’s a great reminder how much can change in a relatively short amount of time!
I removed it the other day, and I haven’t missed it, felt like something is missing from within me, or anything. This is a huge shift from when I tried to take it out in Feb. or March. I think I really got what I needed out of it. It’s fun to watch the hole closing up, as it symbolizes the closing of one phase of life, making room for the next thing to open.
Matt recommended his massage therapist/energy worker to me, and I had an appointment the other day. I needed it so badly, as I could feel all the shifting going on…I had to wonder what it was doing to me physically. Indeed, there were a lot of ‘stuck’ points he was able to release and I felt SO much better! I couldn’t believe but the appointment took 2.5 hours! I also exchanged services this week with a sound healer which was cool.
I finally am realizing that I need to come out of my safe little cocoon of my apartment and start trying to make friends here.
I’ve been enjoying the still of the silence in a sense, yet I’m feeling like I’m ready for more. Having nearly 6 months of “quiet” time has been such a gift, and I’ve appreciated every moment of it…BUT I’m now feeling ready to get back to simple things that make me happy, like having girl talk, going to events with other people, and just having someone I can see in person to “just be” with or make dinner for.
Luckily, in a couple weeks I’m returning back to NC to visit with my dear friends who I miss and love so much. I know the timing is perfect. It’ll give me a renewed sense of self and the reassurance I need to move forward. I look so forward to it!
I’m also excited to work in my old office space again and see clients who really love and appreciate what I do. I have missed having an abundance of in-person sessions (though they are picking up) because there’s nothing like that human contact to impact someone else.
On a totally separate note, I had a sad day yesterday missing my mom. I allowed myself a quiet day to just sit and cry, listening to old voice mails from her, looked at pictures, and reflected upon how much one learns from another person if we are open to allowing it.
Last night, I went to Rhode Island for the first time.
An acquaintance of mine knows someone in the Spiritual community he wanted to introduce me to, and I’m glad I went. Eddie is a man who heads up various events in RI and I would like to get in on their psychic fairs. He made me sit down immediately and give him a reading! I didn’t expect that!!! I think this is a step in the right direction to finding “my people.”
So, there you have it – quite the week of ups and downs!
On a separate note, I am going to start reading the Kabbalah. Matt suggested it to me, and I honestly am excited to read it. It’s been a while since I’ve been drawn to read something new. Maybe this will help enlighten me some more and give me a new spark of light that I’ve been missing?