In Search of Home

As you can probably tell, I was at a major loss in my life for feeling I belonged where I was. When I came back to Boston, I looked at my Unicorn apartment, and was in shock. Anyone would kill for living in that space, yet I felt empty.D1DD7DFD-89D9-411B-9EC6-A02C202E2426 (1)

I asked my Spirit Guides to start to show me clear signs if I should stay or should I go because the joy I had felt just weeks prior had dissipated and I felt lost and deflated.

Let’s skip over the drama, but in a nutshell it was CLEAR within a month that I had to leave Boston behind. A few highlights:

  1. I was trying to save a parking space for my friend, who was 2 blocks away, when someone decided he wanted that spot and continued to back into it though he saw me and yelled at me that he would hit me if I continued to stay there…which he did. He kept backing his car up, I kept moving back until it became dangerous that he could pin my legs between the bumper of his car and the one behind his. There were a slough of swear words in there too – typical Boston.

  1. The straw of dating for me was when I decided to spur of the moment meet someone I’d talked to briefly online, thinking it was spontaneous. In short he showed up drunk, and during our brief encounter shared he engages in marijuana for medical purposes. Nope. I let him know my thoughts and he got up and left and did not pay for his drink (or mine) and left me with the bill. Seriously!? You’re that bad of a man that you can’t even take accountability for yourself?
  2. I was trying to go to a Meetup for some Christmas festivities. I was looking forward to this for months. Here’s what happened:
    1. I couldn’t get out of my parking space, someone blocked me in which shouldn’t have happened. The concierge took forever to help find the owner of the car to move it, so this delayed me from arriving on time.
    2. I couldn’t find the group once I arrived, though I notified the organizer when I’d arrive. He kept ignoring my calls but then was unhelpful when I tried to find the group. When trying to clarify, he did not pick up his phone or texts. He was plain RUDE and I did not want to be with this group after all if this is how it was going down.
    3. My tire pressure light came on as I was coming home. I just had the thought (which I learned is a straw for me) of:

“If something happened to me right now, I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable calling for help.”

When I lived in Seattle, I was involved in a small accident. My ex-boyfriend was out of town at that time and I felt I had nobody to rely on. That’s how I decided it was time to go from there. This happened in Boston, again.

When I called for help (I got home safely) the guy was beyond lazy and would not even fill my tires with air because “it’s not required” of him. OMG. In total, like 8 hours had passed from the time I tried to leave until the time I got to this point. I realized I needed to surrender and throw my hands in the air. I was DONE.

The next morning I was trying to leave to go home to NY for Christmas, and the lyrics of the song by U2 came into my head, “You’ve Got to Get Yourself Together, You’ve Got Stuck in a Moment, and You Can’t Get Out of It.”

That’s when it hit me: I had to get myself together and move on.

I cried for about a good hour on my drive back to Rochester that day. I was tired – tired of the rat race of working so much to just maintain a life I didn’t love, and was tired of having to feel I was packing my life up just to go home for 3 weeks for the holidays, etc. It was an ordeal to pack my food, my clothes, my cat, etc. and it was like, “WHY am I doing this to myself?”

I had already started to look for home in NC again when I went in November, but it didn’t feel right. Yes, I have lovely friends there…but nowhere felt like home. Going home to Rochester for Christmas was really nice – it was just how I needed to unwind after all that. I had a lot of fun with friends and it gave me a feeling like this would be where I’d set up next because everything there is easy: cost of living is cheap, I have a great support network there, and there’s no traffic so everything is just EASY to live. J

After I started the new year, I got in touch with Nicola in Tropea and told him I was coming, and that I wanted to spend 5 months there. I wanted to spend my time there during the best weather and be surrounded by a sense of community. I was nervous sending this text to him but once it was sent, I was out of my hands! Exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time! 🙂

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