The past many days have been tough. Things are clearly shifting.
At first I thought it was because of overindulging in gluten. I can’t eat gluten in the US, but here I can without problems. I still limit it, but I realized I had it two days in a row, which throws off my mood.
Friday and Saturday I found myself feeling less interested in things here in Tropea. It was the calm after the big rush of tourist season in August, and I could feel the energy shift. There’s also a coolness in the air at night and you can feel fall coming. Both Fri. and Sat. nights my eyes began to glaze over early in the night, so I went home. I didn’t leave home all of Sunday, I just didn’t feel like socializing or seeing anyone. Monday I went out briefly to get out , but wasn’t really in the mood. Yesterday I planned some calls with friends in the US so didn’t go out at night. Everything feels much quieter, has shifted, and a sense of boredom hit me. Yes, that’s right – BOREDOM. First time in at least 3 months!
Josephine also is leaving for Sicily Saturday to begin a new chapter of her life. She’s gotten what she needed from Tropea after 2 years, and is ready to move on. She’s been instrumental to my experience here, and we would spent countless hours together just about every day talking about everything and nothing, and she would share her wisdom about a variety of things with me.
I know everything happens the way it needs to, but I’m sad. She has helped me make so much sense of life here, and why things are the way they have been at times. I know this will be a friendship that continues, and we will see each other again before I leave here.
The good news is that in all of this, I have decided that Tropea is NOT where any part of my future lies. I’ve had some fantastic conversations lately and realized the people here probably aren’t going to leave to live anywhere else, and they simply enjoy meeting one another at the local hang out spot frequently. Few of them are friends with tourists (I am special!) and I believe that people need other new people to stimulate them to grow – I don’t see much of this. The guys I know have a mentality that is sort of limited (they have limited opportunities, in fairness though), and I don’t think I could grow with them at the same pace because I’m too forward thinking. My priorities and theirs are just different. It’s a beautiful place to come to decompress and gain clarity, but I don’t see myself living here (in Tropea) long-term again. This is great because it means that I can close this chapter when I leave, and really focus on what’s ahead. I need to be serious about achieving my personal goals, and if I came back next year – is that helping me get closer to those goals? Would spending months at a time here really help?
At this moment in time, the answer is no.