I really don’t know what to say, other that I’m a bit shocked right now. I found out that someone here I consider a friend has a serious problem with drug abuse. Not just any drug, but cocaine! I’ve observed him abusing alcohol – a lot – over these last few months, but seriously, he’s using cocaine!? From what I understand this isn’t something new. I know this friend has had a lot of personal struggles over the past few years, (some of which he’s shared with me) but wow.
I’d been feeling I wasn’t being told the full story and indeed this is the case. I could feel the pieces of the puzzle weren’t adding up, and I felt something was off. I would never have guessed this to be it though.
As much as it hurts, I’m glad I know the truth. It puts everything I’ve seen together and finally makes sense. I’m sad he’s choosing this, but from the higher perspective I know we all have our journeys to walk with many lessons along the way.
I think it’s hitting me so hard because I’m an empath. I had sympathy for him during some of these struggles, though I don’t know it really did much other than maybe make me feel it more intensely. It’s difficult to convey to someone that they are their own worst enemy. The only thing that changes day to day is one’s perspective and are one’s emotions around it. It’s literally killing him because of how he’s defining himself. I know he feels like a failure on many levels but going this far down the beaten path is only destroying his life and the others’ lives around him. It’s very, very sad to me.
What scares me is that I’ve actually had random, intuitive hits of him dying young, taking himself because things feel too intense for him to handle. Obviously, I hope this isn’t the case. I’ve been able to process this a lot over the last couple days though and I’m putting so much together now and it worries me for him.
*DEEP BREATH* Everything happens as it needs. I am clear my role is not to intervene. As of now, what’s for my best, is to pull back and just be. It’s just too intense, and I’m ok accepting that.