The Importance of Where You Are and Where You’ve Been

I love getting to know new people because I learn so much about them, but also it helps me to see things about myself in that they mirror.  I had an important lesson reflected back in my face again the other night while spending time with my new “friend.” He’s a great guy based on what I can tell so far. He’s spiritual, very family oriented, educated, helps run his family’s business, and is extremely creative. I didn’t quite understand how much so until recently.

He told me he creates songs, plays in a band, etc. and when I asked what his goals were with his ‘creating music’ his response was that he’d like to have a well-known hit. Ok, cool…I didn’t realize to the extent that he’s into all this until we kept going further.

Without disclosing much to protect his identity, he’s a local artist indeed, but goes on tour and has played with or opened for other well known artists. He’s also had his music featured in many TV shows and tours in some big places around the US! Talk about being impressed!?! Not to mention, he’s so humble and basically built himself from nothing. Anyone reading this would think that’s really cool and that he’s quite successful, right? In his eyes, he still wants more (!). I get it…we all want more, but he seems to have forgotten something quite critical:

Give yourself credit for where you’ve been so you have a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction while enjoying the moment. Let the joy you feel be the fuel to move forward, a few steps at a time.

I relate to him a ton – he was just a normal guy who got turned on to a spiritual way of life after a sports injury. He’s using his spiritual connection to create music and turn his passion into a career. Sometimes it takes life transforming things to open you up to new things…that’s how it was for me and the passing of my grandfather to open me up to God and the Universe. Never 10 years ago would I have believed someone if they told me I’d be a successful full-time psychic!

Along the way I’ve taken major risks, made even bigger strides, and I do it sometimes flawlessly because I only take a few steps at a time, rather than planning so far in advance that I feel defeated before I start. Sure, we all want more, but I’m grateful for where I am. In my opinion that helps give us more momentum to keep going for more because it keeps one balanced. He is rushing to get to the top and is getting frustrated…and I see why. I invited him to consider recognizing the steps he’s taken and the accomplishments he’s made so maybe things will shift. He’s obviously got talent and a major passion – nothing is worse than when you block yourself though because you feel you’re lacking and you end up pushing too hard. He is creating and living out his dreams – I hope he allows the space for them to divinely happen.

With that in mind, I need to take the time to reflect upon what I’ve done well and what goals I want to continue to reach for regarding my passion/business. I’ll certainly begin with the glass 1/2 full though! 🙂

Thankful

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Nothing Ever Really Prepares You

This has been one of the most trying months of my life, second to the month of May when I first moved to Boston with all the blockages that seemed to arise.

For those who are not aware, my mom passed away Aug. 28.

This shouldn’t have been a surprise to me considering I’ve been receiving messages about it coming for over a year now, but it still was a complete shock that has rocked my world. I guess I had always assumed congestive heart failure would sneak up on her (as it had many times before) and that’d be it. I had no idea it would happen in any other way!

On the day she died, she’d gone to the gym and went out for dinner with my dad. As usual, he’d unwind watching TV while she’d unwind on the computer. Around 8:30pm usually she’d take a shower but never made it. Her last Facebook post was at 7:42pm, so we know it was between this time she passed away because she never did make it to the shower. She simply fell back in the computer chair and died peacefully at home and was on the computer doing what was usual. I am grateful she didn’t suffer, went quickly, and was comfortable at home! I know there was probably an underlying fear she’d have each time CHF would hit wondering if she’d make it home or not.  Luckily, all happened naturally and all was well. My dad did not find her until after midnight, and he was in shock. I know he felt horrible but there was nothing that could’ve been done at that point.

I’ve never seen my dad so distraught. I’m so grateful I’m connected to the Spirit world in the ways I am and have connections to others who are as well. I called a good friend of mine who helped us all come to an understanding of what happened, and to realize her body just couldn’t sustain life anymore. She described my mom’s transition to the other side – she was surrounded by many loved ones. My mom made it clear she was okay, said it was strange without my dad, and for us to not forget about making the Christmas cookies!Christmas Cookies

She also said it was okay to get rid of her stuff because she no longer needed it. For anyone who really knew me or my mom, they were aware my mom was sort of a hoarder. Most recently, she was into buying beads for jewelry making. I had the thought pop up in my head that we should display all her handmade jewelry at her calling hours, and let her family and friends take as many jewelry items they wanted as a way to let my mom’s legacy carry on. It was a wonderful idea well received by all!

She had so much stuff that it took over the two ‘free’ bedrooms in our house. For a while my mom had a wedding card box business she ran out of one of the rooms, and the other room was full of gifts she’d buy in advance, her PEZ collection, etc. She also overtook the laundry room with her beads as well as countless supplies for rubber stamping. I told my siblings it would be a good idea to start clearing things out that didn’t matter to my dad (like the craft items) that would make a big difference. We did clear both rooms, and it looks amazing! Both rooms haven’t seen the light of day in years because the shades were shut. What a different feel the house has now! I was tempted to show you “before” pics…but I know that would upset my mom. So, you get to see the “after” instead. wedding roomBrians roombrians room 2

When going through the wedding room I realized…wait, I’ll have a wedding some day, and should set some of the stuff aside for it. I saved this card box and pew bows as well as some other misc. things. Note they have angels on them – this will be the theme of my wedding. So appropriate! My mom will still get to be there with us in Spirit, too. 🙂 Obviously I’ll need to redo some of this stuff that’s yellowed, but it’s all good!Card boxPew bows

In this whole process, I forgot how creative and crafty my mom was, as well as is the family I come from. Over the years, my mom made the most beautiful Christmas cookies, created flower arrangements, crocheted blankets, got into rubber stamping handmade cards, created all her wedding card boxes and successfully ran a business without any formal training (just like me!), and got into jewelry making. I realized I resisted doing creative things because I was around it so much, and now I’m starting to shift my perspective on what I should do with this underlying hidden talent.

I used to scrapbook (and I still do now and again), and have decorated cakes, which I really loved doing. Last year I decorated all the Christmas cookies (except the Santa cookies – that’s my mom’s specialty!) and would like to continue this tradition. The ladies in my family all would like to do it this year together, so we’ll do that. I also found a baby blanket she had started to crochet a few years ago (maybe for one of my nieces?) and I got the idea to pick it up and make that my winter project this year. I think I’d like to keep that blanket for when I have my own child one day. I think it’d be nice. 🙂

Speaking of which, the strangest thing happened to me the night I found out my mom died. I prayed out loud to God, which I rarely do, and asked Him to show my dad the way of life knowing how hard he was going to struggle and how hard the new ‘normal’ was going to be for all of us. Within a couple minutes, I started to realize my mom won’t ever meet my future husband, attend my wedding in person, or meet my kids. I was feeling sad also that she was my connection to my Italian roots, and that part of me felt like it died when she died. It made me so sad, and then I got the feeling I should honor her in some way.  Then I heard in my head “Abigail Carmela” and realized I was being guided to name my daughter this in honor of my mom (Gail) and her mom, Carmela, a.k.a. Carmie. I thought that was awesome because both my mom and grandma were psychic (though they were scared of their gifts) and it would honor each of them and carry their names forward, and keep the “Italian” names of my family alive. I would call my daughter Abby…but it would still have “Gail” in it formally.

Abigail

This was very odd because just days prior I was out with a new guy, Matt, and he asked me if I had names chosen for kids. I had boys’ names picked out but never a girl’s – and now I understand that the girl’s name had to come to me! Amazing!!!

So, yup, I’m officially nesting, folks. I’m set for a wedding, have babies’ names ready and will have a baby blanket…now I just need the guy and baby to come shortly thereafter 😉

All in all, this experience has been beautiful and heart breaking. No matter how much you know, you’ll never really know what it’s like until it happens to you. I am so grateful I was privy to the information I was as I have no regrets, and was able to spend so much extra time with my parents this year. Life is quite the journey…

I’m humbled by those who showed so much support. I haven’t felt so loved and supported in so long! Even my best friend came up to Rochester with her 4 month old baby Tyler – talk about a special friend!!!  Note: she is wearing the jewelry my mom made!Stefani and I

This past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind but we are coping. I go back to Rochester on Friday for a few days as we muddle through what would have been my mom’s 63rd birthday. Last year I was fortunate to have hosted my parents at my apartment and celebrated her birthday with her. My sister, aunt, and I will celebrate her birthday this year with lunch out at her favorite restaurant  (where we also had the luncheon after her funeral service) and will have a quiet dinner with our dad that evening.

So, I am grieving, am okay, and am grateful having been able to celebrate my mom’s life. Though it ended too soon in my eyes, life is about choices…and the choices she made lead her to where she was. It’s a huge lesson on acceptance for one’s path to unfold as it will and to not interfere with the natural unfolding of one’s path, though I full well knew what was ahead. May we all live each day as our best with joy, love, and quality as we never really know when we are to be called back home to God.

This was one of our last pictures taken together on my birthday in June, just being “us” and goofing around. Great memories! With that, hug your loved ones extra tight. xoMom and I

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Mostly Up, a Little Down

I am sorry I haven’t updated my blog in a bit, but understand that no news is good news. Overall, my transition to Boston has been fantastic, and I’m learning so much more about myself at deeper levels than I ever could’ve imagined. I now see why this move was necessary – Boston was absolutely calling me to awaken parts of me that were dormant for far too long!

I’m simply writing tonight because I’m having a bad day – honestly this is the first bad day I’ve had since May when everything seemed to go wrong. Long story short, someone who I thought was a good friend here showed me a side that I didn’t like, and I had to break away from the friendship. It’s consumed way more time and energy than I wanted, and though pulling away is the right thing, I feel back to square one again. I embrace this, it’s not a bad thing. I’m just surprised to have seen certain patterns repeat again that I thought I learned and that I wouldn’t have to experience again. I don’t want to get into detail, but just saying.

On a separate note, I’m beyond frustrated that people judge me as soon as they hear what my profession is. I know it’s a reaction out of not understanding my work so I don’t take it personally at this point, but it all reached a head today and I had to cry because I feel it’s challenging to find a partner who “gets it.” I have put myself out there into the dating world more than I ever have thus far in my life, and it continues to be an area of rejection for being who I am. I know this is all helping me narrow down the focus to those who really do get me, but meanwhile it can feel quite lonely. I don’t want to be taken advantage of, I don’t want to be judged, and I don’t want to be hated simply because of a label. It’s happened more than not lately, and I’m sad. This world needs more compassion, love, and acceptance of each other, and it’s disheartening to see it hands-on that we aren’t there as a society. 😦

It’s Just One of Those Days

Enough of my rant – I think I need some good, sound sleep tonight. I really wish I had someone to hug tonight to tell me it would be okay. ;-(

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I’m Home!!!

This weekend has been transformational and finally feel the shift energetically I’ve been needing to feel for a few weeks.

I began going to meetup groups and they help me with self-growth, discovery, and finding connections. Saturday I attended a Spiritual meetup which was eye opening for me, and last night I went to an Italian language group in Little Italy. OMG I am in heaven!

As a treat (that brings me back to a special time Ajith and I shared these every morning in Italy) I enjoyed due cappuccini (2 cappuccinos).cappuccino

I didn’t get much sleep last night! I think I was high on life feeling the excitement of being where I know I’m supposed to be. I’m meeting the right people, am in the right situations, at the right time. Life feels great and I am happy! My energy is starting to balance out and I’m excited to see what’s next. 🙂

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I Am Where I’m Supposed to Be, and Have Support: 444

The number 444 keeps showing up all around me. Click here to see what it means
Here are the things I can think of (probably not everything but you’ll get the idea):
  • My storage unit was 4044
  • After the checks had been cashed for my apartment rent/fees, etc. back in April, my balance was $444. and change
  • When I bought my new computer, the storage should be 500GB. After installing some stuff, the storage was 444GB.
  • I took the subway for the first time the other time the other day to get to Trader Joe’s. When I arrived at my stop it was 4:44444 (2)
  • I posted a pic of my mom and I on Mother’s Day – 44 people liked it.
  • Yesterday I heard the Blink 182 song “What’s My Age Again” on the radio. I LOVE that song – reminds me of fun happy times in the late 90’s. I went to listen to it today, and the particular video I pulled up is 4:44, when the song is just shy of 3 min. WEIRD!
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It’s Been 4 Weeks…I’m Ready to Break Out!

I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written, let me catch you up on things:

1. Update
After having my nose ring out for a few days, it felt too weird. I ended up putting it back in. 😉

2. Leaving Raleigh:
It was so bittersweet!

I spent a good amount of time cleaning out stuff I didn’t need or want anymore. I’m a minimalist to begin with, and I really paired down. It felt so good! My good friend Rita helped me pack, it was so appreciated. I wasn’t motivated whatsoever and having company to help made all the difference.

Toward the end I was soooo ready to leave. I felt there was nothing more there for me, and I was balancing packing up and visiting with people I care about. It was hard having people pull at my heart strings at the end. Some cried, some wanted more time, and some clients were demanding time from me. I literally had nothing left to give, and was anxious to just get out.

This was my life, in a storage unit for a month:IMG_1008

3. A month in Rochester:
It was fabulous! I was so grateful to spend an extra month with my parents. I was able to spend time with friends, and work. I was able to save a lot of money doing so, and it certainly came in handy (more on that later). I went into hiding though in a sense – I didn’t communicate with anyone outside of who I wanted to be around and it was SO nice. I was super drained from leaving NC and it took me a while to adjust.

Preparing for the move was stressful. Days before I researched car insurance, renter’s insurance, and had to hire someone from afar to obtain a moving permit on my behalf. The city of Boston requires you to buy a permit to reserve parking spaces 3 days prior to your move. I couldn’t do that myself so I found someone who could. Phew! It was super busy.

3. BOSTON!
I drove here on a Friday, and my stuff was arriving Saturday. My initial impression was, “Wow, this is small.” Mind you: I only saw this apartment on FaceTime with my realtor simply because when I came to visit the building in Feb., the unit I was set on was reserved by someone else before I could get to it. :-/ I chose this place instead because I really wanted to be in the building.

Indeed it is small – I just found out the other day my humble (and yes, I do mean humble!) abode is all of 570 sq. ft.! This is officially the smallest place I ever lived in! In NC my place was 831 sq. ft.

When my things arrived, I had the movers place most of the boxes in my bedroom. It all took up more than 1/2 my bedroom. No joke.IMG_1069

In NC it took up maybe 1/4 of it…big difference.

Good thing I didn’t have a bed because there would’ve been NO room for anything!  I sold my bed before I moved because it was getting old.

My living room was unbelievably tight, too!IMG_1070

I spent the first week here freaking out that this space was too small. I knew I was going to have to move some stuff back to my parents’ home, but I didn’t expect to bring as much as I ended up doing. I chose to rent a mini-van the first weekend I was here and bringing everything back in one shot. You can’t tell but there are many plastic totes in the corner. This is what it looked like even after unpacking most things:IMG_1140

The min-van was packed to the brim – I couldn’t even see out the back window! Snickers was a trooper as always. I arrived Sat. night to my parents’, and left Mon. morning.

I was fortunate enough to get to spend Mother’s Day with my mom. We had a family get-together that day, so it was nice to see everyone. Here’s a picture of me, my mom, and aunt Alice. 🙂IMG_1145

With my things gone from my bedroom, I finally had space to purchase a new bed. It is much cozier than my couch bed!IMG_0044

This transition has been anything but smooth, however.

1. Technology…
I had a computer virus on my computer within the first 3 days of being here. It was so bad (and my computer is so old) that I decided to outright go buy a new one. To skip a lot of detail, I went back and forth to Best Buy 6 times before this whole ordeal was settled. Ugh. Mind you: I barely knew where I lived, let alone where Best Buy was! That took up the first two weeks, literally.

BB

Oh, and when the virus popped up (my screen froze and it was beeping at me) I unplugged my internet. I plugged it back in later when I needed it, and it was dead. Nothing would work. The cable even got knocked out! I had to wait days for the cable company to come fix it. I don’t know if it was related to the virus or if it was ironic timing, but goodness…cable

2. Car Issues
In Rochester days before I left I had to buy a new tire because some metal had gotten stuck in it. My tire pressure light came on when I was driving to get my oil changed – good timing.

TPL

However, the tire was beyond repair. I just bought tires the month prior. The good news is I only had to buy one tire. I have a All Wheel Drive and typically you have to replace all 4 to ensure the wear and tear is the same.

A day later, my tire pressure light came on again! I took it to a tire shop, they said the tire pressure was all over and whomever filled the tires last (the dealership a day prior) did it incorrectly. They did not see a nail though, and thought the light would go off after driving it a mile.

It stayed on…my dad checked the tire pressure before leaving for Boston but the light was still on (nervewracking!). I got my car inspected days later and they found nothing – they suggested taking it to the dealer to let them reset it.

I did take it a week later to the dealer and they found a nail in one of the tires! Gee, what a surprise 😉 NOBODY else could locate one…but luckily they did. They could patch it and $18 later I was on my way. My tire pressure light is off. 🙂

3. Parking
Here I have to park on the street until a spot opens up in the garage in the apartment complex I live in. I am nervous daily because the Boston parking people look for any reason to ticket you. The first week I was here I was issues two tickets for the same reason – not having an up-to-date inspection. I had JUST gotten new plates, and you have 7 days to get your car inspected, and I hadn’t done so at the time of their ticketing. I was able to have those removed, but still…

You have to be careful parking on the streets because they street clean and signs are posted to let you know which days, etc. You often have to move your car for this. I parked in a spot one day and thought I was good for a few weeks, til a little voice popped up in my head telling me to go check on my car. I’m glad I did – it had been towed. 😦 It was my honest mistake though…I didn’t see on my calendar when I quickly glanced at it that it indeed was the 4th Friday in May (I thought it was the 3rd). Needless to say I had to go to a shady part of town by myself in the dark to go get it. :-/ Luckily it was only $200 rather than over $400, which is what the cost was in Seattle the one time I had my car towed. Ugh. Oh, and they ticketed me $40 for not complying with the rules. As if it wasn’t enough of a punishment to have your car towed!?!? Needless to say I learned.IMG_0109 (1)

Sidenote: I need to check on my car daily still. When someone moves, or a dumpster needs to be placed on the road, individuals can hang up signs 48 hours in advance reserving certain spots. That could happen at any time, and though I comply with the street rules, I may violate the rules of the temporary permit. Ugh!!! September will be a Godsend once space opens in the garage here.

It’s been a slower-than-I’m-used-to month for work. It’s a blessing because I wouldn’t have been able to deal with all this other stuff that was ridiculously time consuming and frustrating.

Getting my car towed was the straw. I was frustrated how much money I had to keep shelling out, so I added up all the expenses out of my control I’ve spent the past 3 months. Between moving, towing, renting a mini-van, buying a bed and computer, and paying Quarter 1 taxes, I about had a heart attack. I knew I’d be spending money, but I didn’t anticipate this much money. :-/ Again, it’s probably a lesson all about flowing, but still.

thousands

In the midst of all this, I needed to get my website updated. I love my webmasters – they are the BEST! They’re giving me a whole face lift on my site and it’s going to look awesome. I’ll be searchable in Boston once that’s done. I’ll feel a lot better once money is coming IN rather than going OUT so easily.

Yelp

I asked the apartment manager the other day about switching to a larger unit because there is next to no closet space in this place. She put me on a wait list but there are certainly others ahead. Now that I realize I’m here for now, I spent this weekend finally putting up pictures on the wall and now it feels more like “home.” I think it’ll be okay here but it is an adjustment. I will be working from home until I feel I can justify getting an office, and that was making me nervous. Luckily this building has a 24 hr. concierge which to me is like built in security. That’s one of the reasons I chose this building, actually.

So, there you have it….4 weeks worth of transition! Gotta love it, right? I am sure it’ll get better from here on out but it’s been a rough start.

The plus sides of this move: I have an amazing view! I’m on the 18th floor, and have a view of the Charles River and the Boston Harbor along with a beautiful city skyline! IMG_1079

There is a roof top deck I plan to utilize this summer. It’s AMAZING!

The neighborhood is gorgeous. I still am in awe this is my life. IMG_1078

IMG_0143

I am in the beauty of it all, and a 5 minute walk to the crazy, busy financial district too.

Memorial Day Weekend I walked over to the park in the center of the city, which is only 5 min. away. It was beautiful! IMG_0102

More to come, I’m sure…

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to my complaining 🙂 I’ll post pics of my finished place once the curtain rods are hung and all is set.

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Letting Go & Releasing

The other day, I woke up simply knowing that I had gotten what I needed from my nose piercing. It represented self-empowerment and allowing more feminine energy into me, and I have a strong awareness of both things now. I knew that I no longer needed the little diamond stud in my nose to help remind me to shine brightly – I do this on my own now without the physical reminder.Shine on

It was starting to feel uncomfortable in my nose, too. Weird, right?

I read this Facebook post from Robin, the psychic I enjoy working with a lot. She put everything into perspective for me:

“When I turned 50 in January over 2 years ago I had my nose pierced. I did it to mark off a milestone in my life I thought I would never reach. Sort of like when a woman has a break up she cuts off or changes her hair color.
I choose a delicate custom 14 kt gold Blue Topaz post. The guy who did it told me I was his 1st badass Pastor piercing. I never asked how to change it or take it out. When I tried it just wouldn’t budge. Today I was so busy releasing energy it came out easily! I guess the message is…..when the time is right, and you are really ready to release something….other “things” might be removed in the process.

I have been doing a LOT of work to release layers that kept me safe, protected, and stuck. This is yet another confirmation that I am progressing along my path and shedding old patterns/ways.

I went back to Dogstar Tattoo tonight to have them safely remove my stud. It now feels weird without it, actually, though I am happy being back in my natural state of being.au natural

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