Ever since I moved to Boston two years ago, it was clear as day to me that I needed to work on embracing my feminine. Spirit told me directly that I needed to do certain things to feel feminine often – get my hair and nails done, get a new look with my wardrobe, they gave me tips how to feel more sexy, etc. For a while there I was doing really well with this and felt in my power.
Once I started working at home though, I didn’t care to work in nice clothes that made my power shine. I learned I’m not looking for business clothes, per se, but clothes that show off my best physical qualities while making me feel confident, powerful, and feminine. If anything, I maintained this mentality of “People only see me once every so often” so I skated by and tended to wear often the same clothes without much variance even though I have other clothes I could’ve worn.
Since coming to Europe, I have noticed old issues arising again that are preventing me from feeling 100% comfortable in my skin. The first part was about my clothes – I felt extremely like an American tourist, even though I brought my best summer clothes with me. Shorts are typically a no no, but it’s HOT. What was I supposed to do? I also had to walk a lot, and my sandals were hurting my feet. I had no choice but to wear my ugly sneakers or flip flops until I could find better sandals which is a dead giveaway you’re American. Not to mention, I get stared at anyway because my looks are so different.
Once I got here, my exercise habits and eating habits changed (for the better!) and my clothes got big on me – fast! The jeans I purchased a week or two earlier were so big I could fit my whole arm down the leg while wearing them, and my new shorts were sitting too low on my waist because they were too large.
This added fuel to the fire because as it was, I felt disoriented around where I could go to have my basic needs met, and having clothes that made me feel good was a basic need in my book! To top it off, I learned that having a pair of white pants is a necessity in my wardrobe. Unfortunately I left my white pair of capri pants at home (a very costly mistake!) and trying to find any here has been a joke.
Trying to find ANYTHING that fits me was a joke. In the US, I’m a size 12, sometimes a 14, depending. In Italy, I’m big. Granted, I have an extremely curvy body also…so this adds another element. Everyone here is like a size 2, maybe a 4. Ha!
The little shops of Tropea cater more to tourists, so finding bigger clothes should be easier but it’s really not. I decided to go to the city of Reggio di Calabria (1.5 hours one way on the train) and low and behold, I found a pair of white pants – at the discounted price of 87€! I about fell over. They’re not even the highest quality pants, either…but they work. I had to take them to get hemmed. The poor seamstress had to really recreate them for my body because they were too big in most spots, but they fit my waist. That came at a cost of 30€! They better give me the confidence I need and want at that price, haha!
I have discovered the esthetician here, and have gone to get my nails done a couple times. It’s cheap enough so I promised myself I’d do this regularly to keep up the feminine. I’ve gone a couple times, and when I leave I set up the next appointment so I am guaranteed to go and keep my nails fresh. This is helping to feel more polished and feminine.
I also got my hair done recently. The girl who does my blow out is fantastic – she curled my hair with a skinny little round brush, and I was amazed how pretty and feminine it looked.
Let’s just say that I have been trying to replicate this (thanks to YouTube) and from what I remembered, but yeah…that hasn’t worked out so great for me yet. I think I need to just reach out to her and ask for some lessons. She’s very sweet, so I’m sure this will make a difference. My guides told me to do it – this is partially why I’m here. 🙂
I recently have noticed there are a couple girls here I’ve come across who brought up some feelings inside me specific to femininity.
The first person is someone who I’ve always admired from afar. She’s friends with a lot of the friends I have, and is literally one of the most stunning women I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve seen Giusy’s photos and always thought she was gorgeous, but the right opportunity never came to get introduced to her before this trip. One night we did meet, and she’s a lovely person too. Every time I see her, I can’t help but notice that she’s just beautiful and she doesn’t do ANYTHING to try! This is one of those people who I stand next to and am like, yeah…I look like such a tourist In comparison!
What I love is that Giusy and I are developing a nice friendship. She wants very much to improve her English, and I feel honored she’s trusted me with this. We will get together more frequently over the next couple months as she’ll have more time to devote to this. She’s showing me vulnerability, and that when you open yourself to the right people in this way, a lot can come from it. I’m grateful for this lesson from her, and I barely know her!
The second person is a girl I just recently met. She was here on vacation and connected with her through friends. She’s got such a fantastic personality, and a beautiful white smile! Sidenote: the smile stands out to me, as I’ve noticed in general that a perfect, white smile is not as sought after here as it is in the US. 😉
This girl is interested genuinely in every person she talks to, her body language is so feminine and delicate. I’m bothered that my energy isn’t as sparkly as hers and I’m aware that I need more of this in myself. I am feeling more sparkle and shine these days, but I’m surprised it’s taken me as long as it has to really adjust to life here.
I learned early on that I REALLY needed to respect the flow of the energy of the moment. If I’m not feeling social or at my best, I don’t go out. People WILL notice a sourpuss look on your face, and that’s the last thing I want is to feel like a wet towel dampering the mood because I am not in the right head space. Summer is short, these people are out for a good time, and I feel it’s my responsibility to show up in a space to meet that and would expect the same. I’ve noticed I need to step up my shiny-ness (with my clothes, hair, nails) and this will help my personality start to shine more if I feel comfortable in my skin.
We always attract the type of people who reflect who we are and how we show up. Obviously the other girls and I are on the same level (to be able to attract each others’ vibration), yet I still feel I’m falling short somehow. These particular girls have shown me that I need to continue to spruce myself up and let that shine. Good lessons to learn and to strive toward.
Update: I went to some shops I’ve always been drawn to and actually bought a lot of new items! Josephine is GREAT at this kind of stuff, so she helped once I found some things. I don’t have photos that are good of me in my new outfits, but they are definitely different from anything I’d normally ever wear, but I love them all. Living in another country has certainly forced me to push the limits because I have no choice to. For that, I’m grateful! This keeps it in perspective as to why I’m here, and what this is all for.