Mostly Up, a Little Down

I am sorry I haven’t updated my blog in a bit, but understand that no news is good news. Overall, my transition to Boston has been fantastic, and I’m learning so much more about myself at deeper levels than I ever could’ve imagined. I now see why this move was necessary – Boston was absolutely calling me to awaken parts of me that were dormant for far too long!

I’m simply writing tonight because I’m having a bad day – honestly this is the first bad day I’ve had since May when everything seemed to go wrong. Long story short, someone who I thought was a good friend here showed me a side that I didn’t like, and I had to break away from the friendship. It’s consumed way more time and energy than I wanted, and though pulling away is the right thing, I feel back to square one again. I embrace this, it’s not a bad thing. I’m just surprised to have seen certain patterns repeat again that I thought I learned and that I wouldn’t have to experience again. I don’t want to get into detail, but just saying.

On a separate note, I’m beyond frustrated that people judge me as soon as they hear what my profession is. I know it’s a reaction out of not understanding my work so I don’t take it personally at this point, but it all reached a head today and I had to cry because I feel it’s challenging to find a partner who “gets it.” I have put myself out there into the dating world more than I ever have thus far in my life, and it continues to be an area of rejection for being who I am. I know this is all helping me narrow down the focus to those who really do get me, but meanwhile it can feel quite lonely. I don’t want to be taken advantage of, I don’t want to be judged, and I don’t want to be hated simply because of a label. It’s happened more than not lately, and I’m sad. This world needs more compassion, love, and acceptance of each other, and it’s disheartening to see it hands-on that we aren’t there as a society. :-(

It’s Just One of Those Days

Enough of my rant – I think I need some good, sound sleep tonight. I really wish I had someone to hug tonight to tell me it would be okay. ;-(

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I’m Home!!!

This weekend has been transformational and finally feel the shift energetically I’ve been needing to feel for a few weeks.

I began going to meetup groups and they help me with self-growth, discovery, and finding connections. Saturday I attended a Spiritual meetup which was eye opening for me, and last night I went to an Italian language group in Little Italy. OMG I am in heaven!

As a treat (that brings me back to a special time Ajith and I shared these every morning in Italy) I enjoyed due cappuccini (2 cappuccinos).cappuccino

I didn’t get much sleep last night! I think I was high on life feeling the excitement of being where I know I’m supposed to be. I’m meeting the right people, am in the right situations, at the right time. Life feels great and I am happy! My energy is starting to balance out and I’m excited to see what’s next. :-)

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I Am Where I’m Supposed to Be, and Have Support: 444

The number 444 keeps showing up all around me. Click here to see what it means
Here are the things I can think of (probably not everything but you’ll get the idea):
  • My storage unit was 4044
  • After the checks had been cashed for my apartment rent/fees, etc. back in April, my balance was $444. and change
  • When I bought my new computer, the storage should be 500GB. After installing some stuff, the storage was 444GB.
  • I took the subway for the first time the other time the other day to get to Trader Joe’s. When I arrived at my stop it was 4:44444 (2)
  • I posted a pic of my mom and I on Mother’s Day – 44 people liked it.
  • Yesterday I heard the Blink 182 song “What’s My Age Again” on the radio. I LOVE that song – reminds me of fun happy times in the late 90’s. I went to listen to it today, and the particular video I pulled up is 4:44, when the song is just shy of 3 min. WEIRD!
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It’s Been 4 Weeks…I’m Ready to Break Out!

I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written, let me catch you up on things:

1. Update
After having my nose ring out for a few days, it felt too weird. I ended up putting it back in. ;-)

2. Leaving Raleigh:
It was so bittersweet!

I spent a good amount of time cleaning out stuff I didn’t need or want anymore. I’m a minimalist to begin with, and I really paired down. It felt so good! My good friend Rita helped me pack, it was so appreciated. I wasn’t motivated whatsoever and having company to help made all the difference.

Toward the end I was soooo ready to leave. I felt there was nothing more there for me, and I was balancing packing up and visiting with people I care about. It was hard having people pull at my heart strings at the end. Some cried, some wanted more time, and some clients were demanding time from me. I literally had nothing left to give, and was anxious to just get out.

This was my life, in a storage unit for a month:IMG_1008

3. A month in Rochester:
It was fabulous! I was so grateful to spend an extra month with my parents. I was able to spend time with friends, and work. I was able to save a lot of money doing so, and it certainly came in handy (more on that later). I went into hiding though in a sense – I didn’t communicate with anyone outside of who I wanted to be around and it was SO nice. I was super drained from leaving NC and it took me a while to adjust.

Preparing for the move was stressful. Days before I researched car insurance, renter’s insurance, and had to hire someone from afar to obtain a moving permit on my behalf. The city of Boston requires you to buy a permit to reserve parking spaces 3 days prior to your move. I couldn’t do that myself so I found someone who could. Phew! It was super busy.

3. BOSTON!
I drove here on a Friday, and my stuff was arriving Saturday. My initial impression was, “Wow, this is small.” Mind you: I only saw this apartment on FaceTime with my realtor simply because when I came to visit the building in Feb., the unit I was set on was reserved by someone else before I could get to it. :-/ I chose this place instead because I really wanted to be in the building.

Indeed it is small – I just found out the other day my humble (and yes, I do mean humble!) abode is all of 570 sq. ft.! This is officially the smallest place I ever lived in! In NC my place was 831 sq. ft.

When my things arrived, I had the movers place most of the boxes in my bedroom. It all took up more than 1/2 my bedroom. No joke.IMG_1069

In NC it took up maybe 1/4 of it…big difference.

Good thing I didn’t have a bed because there would’ve been NO room for anything!  I sold my bed before I moved because it was getting old.

My living room was unbelievably tight, too!IMG_1070

I spent the first week here freaking out that this space was too small. I knew I was going to have to move some stuff back to my parents’ home, but I didn’t expect to bring as much as I ended up doing. I chose to rent a mini-van the first weekend I was here and bringing everything back in one shot. You can’t tell but there are many plastic totes in the corner. This is what it looked like even after unpacking most things:IMG_1140

The min-van was packed to the brim – I couldn’t even see out the back window! Snickers was a trooper as always. I arrived Sat. night to my parents’, and left Mon. morning.

I was fortunate enough to get to spend Mother’s Day with my mom. We had a family get-together that day, so it was nice to see everyone. Here’s a picture of me, my mom, and aunt Alice. :-)IMG_1145

With my things gone from my bedroom, I finally had space to purchase a new bed. It is much cozier than my couch bed!IMG_0044

This transition has been anything but smooth, however.

1. Technology…
I had a computer virus on my computer within the first 3 days of being here. It was so bad (and my computer is so old) that I decided to outright go buy a new one. To skip a lot of detail, I went back and forth to Best Buy 6 times before this whole ordeal was settled. Ugh. Mind you: I barely knew where I lived, let alone where Best Buy was! That took up the first two weeks, literally.

BB

Oh, and when the virus popped up (my screen froze and it was beeping at me) I unplugged my internet. I plugged it back in later when I needed it, and it was dead. Nothing would work. The cable even got knocked out! I had to wait days for the cable company to come fix it. I don’t know if it was related to the virus or if it was ironic timing, but goodness…cable

2. Car Issues
In Rochester days before I left I had to buy a new tire because some metal had gotten stuck in it. My tire pressure light came on when I was driving to get my oil changed – good timing.

TPL

However, the tire was beyond repair. I just bought tires the month prior. The good news is I only had to buy one tire. I have a All Wheel Drive and typically you have to replace all 4 to ensure the wear and tear is the same.

A day later, my tire pressure light came on again! I took it to a tire shop, they said the tire pressure was all over and whomever filled the tires last (the dealership a day prior) did it incorrectly. They did not see a nail though, and thought the light would go off after driving it a mile.

It stayed on…my dad checked the tire pressure before leaving for Boston but the light was still on (nervewracking!). I got my car inspected days later and they found nothing – they suggested taking it to the dealer to let them reset it.

I did take it a week later to the dealer and they found a nail in one of the tires! Gee, what a surprise ;-) NOBODY else could locate one…but luckily they did. They could patch it and $18 later I was on my way. My tire pressure light is off. :-)

3. Parking
Here I have to park on the street until a spot opens up in the garage in the apartment complex I live in. I am nervous daily because the Boston parking people look for any reason to ticket you. The first week I was here I was issues two tickets for the same reason – not having an up-to-date inspection. I had JUST gotten new plates, and you have 7 days to get your car inspected, and I hadn’t done so at the time of their ticketing. I was able to have those removed, but still…

You have to be careful parking on the streets because they street clean and signs are posted to let you know which days, etc. You often have to move your car for this. I parked in a spot one day and thought I was good for a few weeks, til a little voice popped up in my head telling me to go check on my car. I’m glad I did – it had been towed. :-( It was my honest mistake though…I didn’t see on my calendar when I quickly glanced at it that it indeed was the 4th Friday in May (I thought it was the 3rd). Needless to say I had to go to a shady part of town by myself in the dark to go get it. :-/ Luckily it was only $200 rather than over $400, which is what the cost was in Seattle the one time I had my car towed. Ugh. Oh, and they ticketed me $40 for not complying with the rules. As if it wasn’t enough of a punishment to have your car towed!?!? Needless to say I learned.IMG_0109 (1)

Sidenote: I need to check on my car daily still. When someone moves, or a dumpster needs to be placed on the road, individuals can hang up signs 48 hours in advance reserving certain spots. That could happen at any time, and though I comply with the street rules, I may violate the rules of the temporary permit. Ugh!!! September will be a Godsend once space opens in the garage here.

It’s been a slower-than-I’m-used-to month for work. It’s a blessing because I wouldn’t have been able to deal with all this other stuff that was ridiculously time consuming and frustrating.

Getting my car towed was the straw. I was frustrated how much money I had to keep shelling out, so I added up all the expenses out of my control I’ve spent the past 3 months. Between moving, towing, renting a mini-van, buying a bed and computer, and paying Quarter 1 taxes, I about had a heart attack. I knew I’d be spending money, but I didn’t anticipate this much money. :-/ Again, it’s probably a lesson all about flowing, but still.

thousands

In the midst of all this, I needed to get my website updated. I love my webmasters – they are the BEST! They’re giving me a whole face lift on my site and it’s going to look awesome. I’ll be searchable in Boston once that’s done. I’ll feel a lot better once money is coming IN rather than going OUT so easily.

Yelp

I asked the apartment manager the other day about switching to a larger unit because there is next to no closet space in this place. She put me on a wait list but there are certainly others ahead. Now that I realize I’m here for now, I spent this weekend finally putting up pictures on the wall and now it feels more like “home.” I think it’ll be okay here but it is an adjustment. I will be working from home until I feel I can justify getting an office, and that was making me nervous. Luckily this building has a 24 hr. concierge which to me is like built in security. That’s one of the reasons I chose this building, actually.

So, there you have it….4 weeks worth of transition! Gotta love it, right? I am sure it’ll get better from here on out but it’s been a rough start.

The plus sides of this move: I have an amazing view! I’m on the 18th floor, and have a view of the Charles River and the Boston Harbor along with a beautiful city skyline! IMG_1079

There is a roof top deck I plan to utilize this summer. It’s AMAZING!

The neighborhood is gorgeous. I still am in awe this is my life. IMG_1078

IMG_0143

I am in the beauty of it all, and a 5 minute walk to the crazy, busy financial district too.

Memorial Day Weekend I walked over to the park in the center of the city, which is only 5 min. away. It was beautiful! IMG_0102

More to come, I’m sure…

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to my complaining :-) I’ll post pics of my finished place once the curtain rods are hung and all is set.

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Letting Go & Releasing

The other day, I woke up simply knowing that I had gotten what I needed from my nose piercing. It represented self-empowerment and allowing more feminine energy into me, and I have a strong awareness of both things now. I knew that I no longer needed the little diamond stud in my nose to help remind me to shine brightly – I do this on my own now without the physical reminder.Shine on

It was starting to feel uncomfortable in my nose, too. Weird, right?

I read this Facebook post from Robin, the psychic I enjoy working with a lot. She put everything into perspective for me:

“When I turned 50 in January over 2 years ago I had my nose pierced. I did it to mark off a milestone in my life I thought I would never reach. Sort of like when a woman has a break up she cuts off or changes her hair color.
I choose a delicate custom 14 kt gold Blue Topaz post. The guy who did it told me I was his 1st badass Pastor piercing. I never asked how to change it or take it out. When I tried it just wouldn’t budge. Today I was so busy releasing energy it came out easily! I guess the message is…..when the time is right, and you are really ready to release something….other “things” might be removed in the process.

I have been doing a LOT of work to release layers that kept me safe, protected, and stuck. This is yet another confirmation that I am progressing along my path and shedding old patterns/ways.

I went back to Dogstar Tattoo tonight to have them safely remove my stud. It now feels weird without it, actually, though I am happy being back in my natural state of being.au natural

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Expect the Unexpected

As I’ve expressed earlier, my intuition has been calling me to go to Boston. I went there 3 weeks ago with  my sister to pick out a place to live. What a fiasco that was! In short, I am moving there May 1 (rather than my original plan of April 1).

My current apartment complex already rented my apartment out so I couldn’t extend my lease here, so I have a gap in housing for a month. I’m going to put my stuff in storage in NC and go live with my parents for a month. I’ll move to Boston after, and have all my stuff shipped there. I have a good friend I can count on to help with making sure all is loaded up on the national moving company’s truck, so I think it’ll all be okay.

Meanwhile, I had a flood in my apartment last weekend forcing me to go through my storage closet. I’d been avoiding it for far too long! Luckily none of my things were damaged, and I’m going through my stuff. I think it was a sign to just embrace things as they are and go with the flow.

Go-With-The-Flow

In another lifetime (nearly 8 years ago) I was teaching 2nd grade, and I’m finally ready to part with all my stuff. I looked over it one last time tonight. I thought I wanted to keep some of it and I actually do not at all. I am going to give it to former colleagues at the school I used to work at. It’ll feel good to be free of all this stuff! It’s about 6 big heavy boxes worth!

I have much more to go through to be free of “stuff,” but it’ll be nice to get rid of things. I am a minimalist at heart anyway so this is only helping me further achieve that goal of not owning a lot of excess.

Minimalism

The countdown is on now…30 days left in NC!

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Life Changes Aren’t Always So Graceful

In a recent conversation with a friend, she pointed out that I’ve had a lot of major changes within the last 5 – 6 years. changeUntil she listed them out, I didn’t realize how true it is! Here are some of the major ones I can recall that we talked about:

– Drove across country to start a new job and a new life. I moved 3 times in the 4 years I was in the Northwest.renton

kirklandseattle– I quit my dream corporate job, packed up my stuff from the cool city apartment I had and put it into storage so I could move to Europe. Upon returning to the states, I did not have a typical day job to come back to, and essentially didn’t have my own home.

– I lived abroad for 3 mo. without really knowing a soul, and having language as a bit of a barrier.

– Upon returning to the US, I lived with my parents for about a month (it was great to stay for such an extended time through the holidays). It was…interesting…being back in my hometown. I don’t identify with it at all anymore.

– I started my own business (thankfully it’s all worked out!). Considering I knew nothing about running a business, I’m doing really well. ;-)MelissaPeilHeader-SaraMcArdle

– I returned back to Seattle and moved in with Ajith, which was not easy. I didn’t have any of my own things with me except for my clothes (it was all in storage and difficult for me to access). I struggled a lot with that…it felt like I lacked identity. I was in his space with his stuff; difficult to make it feel like it was “ours.”

– Ajith and I broke up after an on/off again 7 years

– I moved across the country to set up a new life in NC againIMG_9362

– Relationships in NC haven’t been the same (I didn’t expect them to be considering time changes everything) but not feeling like I have the same support around me as I did before I moved has been taxing. I’m grateful for those who are here, don’t get me wrong, but it is different.

– I had a really nice relationship with Avi last year which ended when he went back home to Israel. Letting go was definitely hard…he is the sweetest person I’ve dated so far. I’m fortunate though to still be in touch with him.Avi and I

– My health was in jeopardy this year with elevated liver enzymes. I’ve healed my liver naturally using food and natural supplements as my medicine, and now I am back to ‘normal.’ :-)medicine

– I went gluten-free in February and have made a commitment to go to the gym 3x’s weekly – huge lifestyle changes.Gluten Free

get in shape

– The reality of being a mid-30-something and feeling like I don’t belong where I am is sinking in. belonging– Therefore I’m relocating (again) to Boston in the Spring, once winter is over. ;-) I am grateful that my intuition speaks so clearly to me that it’s obvious Boston is where something next for me is at.

One of my friends commended me that I seem to handle change flawlessly. That is not the case… I told her about one of my most memorable moments when I was NOT doing okay with change and felt like I was crumbling.

The moment I sat on the airplane the day I left to move to Italy is when I fell apart. I couldn’t believe that I was finally there, in the very moment I had spent months preparing for. It hit me all at once that I quit my job, didn’t have a home, was praying that the school I was supposed to go to learn Italian at was legit/not a scam, and realized that all the possessions I needed for the next 4 months were in a suitcase I checked (hoping it’d arrive safely in Italy with me). I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew so much was riding on that moment. Talk about pressure and freaking out!!!pressure

I recall it took me about 5-6 weeks before I embraced la dolce vita.

la-dolce-vitaThere was one evening it clicked and I just felt at complete ease, realizing the biggest decision right then was, “What restaurant should I eat at tonight?” It was that moment that was worth every bit of self-doubt, questioning, worrying, and stress I had experienced previously! I shifted energetically, and that sense of peace and tranquility is what I’m striving for again though this time right now is challenging.

I am embracing change, little by little, trying to do so with ease, kindness, and patience with myself. embracing easeToo often we forget to nurture ourselves, and put more added pressure when it’s not necessary. This is something I’m working on releasing…a process constantly evolving. We also forget to give ourselves credit for all we do, which is why it’s amazing to list out the (major) events of my own life over the past few years. kindnessIt’s a lot to digest…and it’s even more courageous to follow the path less traveled. :-) Cheers to that!cheers

 

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