I had a great day today going apple picking at one of the farms nearby. On my way back, I couldn’t help but take in all the beauty surrounding me. I had always dreamed of “getting lost” on a winding road in this area to just take it all in…and here it was!
This has been quite a week! I’m taking part of the day today to just let it all settle and sink in. Sometimes I don’t recognize my own life as it continues to twist, turn, and swirl all around.
I know it’s the bigger picture of coming to a place of calm and balance but sometimes it’s just not easy. I’ve learned to accept that, and it’s ok. :-) I feel in a sense like something is off or missing, I just can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but I also feel I may not need to know just yet either until all the purging/shifting has settled.
I don’t really know where to start? I guess in a nutshell I’ll try to summarize:
- I had a really strong reaction to the word “hook up” recently when someone used it with me. Though I’ve had a “go with the flow” attitude this summer about who I chose to be with, suddenly this word set me off. I realized the flowing attitude no longer serves me, but instead I need someone more stable/serious in my life.
- Last Friday night I was out, and some guy said to me that typically he isn’t attracted to girls with nose piercings, but it was “fine for a fun Friday night.”
- That REALLY set me off! No no no! Not the vibe I want anyone to EVER think of me as! This brought me back to a guy I was seeing last year who said he was seeking a girl who was more than a “fun Friday night” and someone who’d be at his side during the day on a Saturday. I’d never heard this term before…so when this guy last week said this, it was a HUGE button.
- I saw this last week and it evoked another large reaction within my body:
- I’ve done this in the past, and I thought I learned…but because it brought something up in me, I realized that I still tend to do this. I worked so hard last year to focus in on learning how to live in a more heart-centered way, meaning that wanted equal give and take in any relationship I have. I’ve noticed recently I was deviating from that, and I’m glad my body spoke so loudly to me that I needed to stop.
- My sacral chakra FINALLY has calmed down and I feel balanced for the first time in nearly 6 mo. A visit with Matt (my musician friend) helped me with this. I returned home with a new perspective! I went to bed, and woke up 2 hours later with an amazing sense of peace in my sacral, and I could feel heat leaving my body all over, particularly through my feet. I felt grounded in a way my root hasn’t yet felt since moving to MA! I checked in with my guides, who told me I was getting balanced for the first time in a while, and they told me to finish the process to take an epsom salt bath, so I did that morning. I felt fresh and renewed!
- I went out with a new guy twice last week who was the complete opposite of all this – he is the package, and certainly intrigues me. It’s clear he’s got himself together, is looking for something real, and is a complete and total gentleman. I love how the Universe throws me such opposites. ;-)
- Labels are getting the best of me. I am tired of not being accepted and/or judged for being me for one reason or another. I live in Beacon Hill (a big deal in Boston), I live alone (a rarity), I am psychic (people often back away), I have a nose piercing (I’m a rebel), and I’m not Jewish (the last 3 men I’ve been interested in have been, and it causes conflict). GRRRRR! It was disheartening to me the other day and I just had to cry. Why can’t people be okay with each other as we are?
Between my reaction to the word hooking up, the reaction I had about that guy saying what he did to me about my nose piercing being ok for a Friday night, and my need to cry/release emotions about labels, I think it’s clear that the path I’ve been on is shifting and the vibe I’ve been giving is out of alignment with where my soul now is. I pay attention to such things in 3’s, and the common denominator is me.
I’ve been debating removing my nose piercing for a couple months now, and it came to me that now it’s time to remove it. I asked for 3 specific opportunities for self-empowerment (which is what my little stud was helping me to embrace) and I’ve recently realized that I’ve gotten those opportunities to stand up for myself as I feel more strong and solid in my solar plexus. Therefore, the little stud can now be removed. :-) I’ve only had it a little over a year. It’s a great reminder how much can change in a relatively short amount of time!
I removed it the other day, and I haven’t missed it, felt like something is missing from within me, or anything. This is a huge shift from when I tried to take it out in Feb. or March. I think I really got what I needed out of it. It’s fun to watch the hole closing up, as it symbolizes the closing of one phase of life, making room for the next thing to open.
Matt recommended his massage therapist/energy worker to me, and I had an appointment the other day. I needed it so badly, as I could feel all the shifting going on…I had to wonder what it was doing to me physically. Indeed, there were a lot of ‘stuck’ points he was able to release and I felt SO much better! I couldn’t believe but the appointment took 2.5 hours! I also exchanged services this week with a sound healer which was cool.
I finally am realizing that I need to come out of my safe little cocoon of my apartment and start trying to make friends here.
I’ve been enjoying the still of the silence in a sense, yet I’m feeling like I’m ready for more. Having nearly 6 months of “quiet” time has been such a gift, and I’ve appreciated every moment of it…BUT I’m now feeling ready to get back to simple things that make me happy, like having girl talk, going to events with other people, and just having someone I can see in person to “just be” with or make dinner for.
Luckily, in a couple weeks I’m returning back to NC to visit with my dear friends who I miss and love so much. I know the timing is perfect. It’ll give me a renewed sense of self and the reassurance I need to move forward. I look so forward to it!
I’m also excited to work in my old office space again and see clients who really love and appreciate what I do. I have missed having an abundance of in-person sessions (though they are picking up) because there’s nothing like that human contact to impact someone else.
On a totally separate note, I had a sad day yesterday missing my mom. I allowed myself a quiet day to just sit and cry, listening to old voice mails from her, looked at pictures, and reflected upon how much one learns from another person if we are open to allowing it.
Last night, I went to Rhode Island for the first time.
An acquaintance of mine knows someone in the Spiritual community he wanted to introduce me to, and I’m glad I went. Eddie is a man who heads up various events in RI and I would like to get in on their psychic fairs. He made me sit down immediately and give him a reading! I didn’t expect that!!! I think this is a step in the right direction to finding “my people.”
So, there you have it – quite the week of ups and downs!
On a separate note, I am going to start reading the Kabbalah. Matt suggested it to me, and I honestly am excited to read it. It’s been a while since I’ve been drawn to read something new. Maybe this will help enlighten me some more and give me a new spark of light that I’ve been missing?
I found this posted in one of the e-newsletters I’m signed up for and I’m always very inspired by it! This is definitely going in my journal as well as on my refrigerator as a good reminder. I thought you’d enjoy it too!
Great inspiration for this Sunday!
I love getting to know new people because I learn so much about them, but also it helps me to see things about myself in that they mirror. I had an important lesson reflected back in my face again the other night while spending time with my new “friend.” He’s a great guy based on what I can tell so far. He’s spiritual, very family oriented, educated, helps run his family’s business, and is extremely creative. I didn’t quite understand how much so until recently.
He told me he creates songs, plays in a band, etc. and when I asked what his goals were with his ‘creating music’ his response was that he’d like to have a well-known hit. Ok, cool…I didn’t realize to the extent that he’s into all this until we kept going further.
Without disclosing much to protect his identity, he’s a local artist indeed, but goes on tour and has played with or opened for other well known artists. He’s also had his music featured in many TV shows and tours in some big places around the US! Talk about being impressed!?! Not to mention, he’s so humble and basically built himself from nothing. Anyone reading this would think that’s really cool and that he’s quite successful, right? In his eyes, he still wants more (!). I get it…we all want more, but he seems to have forgotten something quite critical:
Give yourself credit for where you’ve been so you have a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction while enjoying the moment. Let the joy you feel be the fuel to move forward, a few steps at a time.
I relate to him a ton – he was just a normal guy who got turned on to a spiritual way of life after a sports injury. He’s using his spiritual connection to create music and turn his passion into a career. Sometimes it takes life transforming things to open you up to new things…that’s how it was for me and the passing of my grandfather to open me up to God and the Universe. Never 10 years ago would I have believed someone if they told me I’d be a successful full-time psychic!
Along the way I’ve taken major risks, made even bigger strides, and I do it sometimes flawlessly because I only take a few steps at a time, rather than planning so far in advance that I feel defeated before I start. Sure, we all want more, but I’m grateful for where I am. In my opinion that helps give us more momentum to keep going for more because it keeps one balanced. He is rushing to get to the top and is getting frustrated…and I see why. I invited him to consider recognizing the steps he’s taken and the accomplishments he’s made so maybe things will shift. He’s obviously got talent and a major passion – nothing is worse than when you block yourself though because you feel you’re lacking and you end up pushing too hard. He is creating and living out his dreams – I hope he allows the space for them to divinely happen.
With that in mind, I need to take the time to reflect upon what I’ve done well and what goals I want to continue to reach for regarding my passion/business. I’ll certainly begin with the glass 1/2 full though! :-)
This has been one of the most trying months of my life, second to the month of May when I first moved to Boston with all the blockages that seemed to arise.
For those who are not aware, my mom passed away Aug. 28.
This shouldn’t have been a surprise to me considering I’ve been receiving messages about it coming for over a year now, but it still was a complete shock that has rocked my world. I guess I had always assumed congestive heart failure would sneak up on her (as it had many times before) and that’d be it. I had no idea it would happen in any other way!
On the day she died, she’d gone to the gym and went out for dinner with my dad. As usual, he’d unwind watching TV while she’d unwind on the computer. Around 8:30pm usually she’d take a shower but never made it. Her last Facebook post was at 7:42pm, so we know it was between this time she passed away because she never did make it to the shower. She simply fell back in the computer chair and died peacefully at home and was on the computer doing what was usual. I am grateful she didn’t suffer, went quickly, and was comfortable at home! I know there was probably an underlying fear she’d have each time CHF would hit wondering if she’d make it home or not. Luckily, all happened naturally and all was well. My dad did not find her until after midnight, and he was in shock. I know he felt horrible but there was nothing that could’ve been done at that point.
I’ve never seen my dad so distraught. I’m so grateful I’m connected to the Spirit world in the ways I am and have connections to others who are as well. I called a good friend of mine who helped us all come to an understanding of what happened, and to realize her body just couldn’t sustain life anymore. She described my mom’s transition to the other side – she was surrounded by many loved ones. My mom made it clear she was okay, said it was strange without my dad, and for us to not forget about making the Christmas cookies!
She also said it was okay to get rid of her stuff because she no longer needed it. For anyone who really knew me or my mom, they were aware my mom was sort of a hoarder. Most recently, she was into buying beads for jewelry making. I had the thought pop up in my head that we should display all her handmade jewelry at her calling hours, and let her family and friends take as many jewelry items they wanted as a way to let my mom’s legacy carry on. It was a wonderful idea well received by all!
She had so much stuff that it took over the two ‘free’ bedrooms in our house. For a while my mom had a wedding card box business she ran out of one of the rooms, and the other room was full of gifts she’d buy in advance, her PEZ collection, etc. She also overtook the laundry room with her beads as well as countless supplies for rubber stamping. I told my siblings it would be a good idea to start clearing things out that didn’t matter to my dad (like the craft items) that would make a big difference. We did clear both rooms, and it looks amazing! Both rooms haven’t seen the light of day in years because the shades were shut. What a different feel the house has now! I was tempted to show you “before” pics…but I know that would upset my mom. So, you get to see the “after” instead.
When going through the wedding room I realized…wait, I’ll have a wedding some day, and should set some of the stuff aside for it. I saved this card box and pew bows as well as some other misc. things. Note they have angels on them – this will be the theme of my wedding. So appropriate! My mom will still get to be there with us in Spirit, too. :-) Obviously I’ll need to redo some of this stuff that’s yellowed, but it’s all good!
In this whole process, I forgot how creative and crafty my mom was, as well as is the family I come from. Over the years, my mom made the most beautiful Christmas cookies, created flower arrangements, crocheted blankets, got into rubber stamping handmade cards, created all her wedding card boxes and successfully ran a business without any formal training (just like me!), and got into jewelry making. I realized I resisted doing creative things because I was around it so much, and now I’m starting to shift my perspective on what I should do with this underlying hidden talent.
I used to scrapbook (and I still do now and again), and have decorated cakes, which I really loved doing. Last year I decorated all the Christmas cookies (except the Santa cookies – that’s my mom’s specialty!) and would like to continue this tradition. The ladies in my family all would like to do it this year together, so we’ll do that. I also found a baby blanket she had started to crochet a few years ago (maybe for one of my nieces?) and I got the idea to pick it up and make that my winter project this year. I think I’d like to keep that blanket for when I have my own child one day. I think it’d be nice. :-)
Speaking of which, the strangest thing happened to me the night I found out my mom died. I prayed out loud to God, which I rarely do, and asked Him to show my dad the way of life knowing how hard he was going to struggle and how hard the new ‘normal’ was going to be for all of us. Within a couple minutes, I started to realize my mom won’t ever meet my future husband, attend my wedding in person, or meet my kids. I was feeling sad also that she was my connection to my Italian roots, and that part of me felt like it died when she died. It made me so sad, and then I got the feeling I should honor her in some way. Then I heard in my head “Abigail Carmela” and realized I was being guided to name my daughter this in honor of my mom (Gail) and her mom, Carmela, a.k.a. Carmie. I thought that was awesome because both my mom and grandma were psychic (though they were scared of their gifts) and it would honor each of them and carry their names forward, and keep the “Italian” names of my family alive. I would call my daughter Abby…but it would still have “Gail” in it formally.
This was very odd because just days prior I was out with a new guy, Matt, and he asked me if I had names chosen for kids. I had boys’ names picked out but never a girl’s – and now I understand that the girl’s name had to come to me! Amazing!!!
So, yup, I’m officially nesting, folks. I’m set for a wedding, have babies’ names ready and will have a baby blanket…now I just need the guy and baby to come shortly thereafter ;-)
All in all, this experience has been beautiful and heart breaking. No matter how much you know, you’ll never really know what it’s like until it happens to you. I am so grateful I was privy to the information I was as I have no regrets, and was able to spend so much extra time with my parents this year. Life is quite the journey…
I’m humbled by those who showed so much support. I haven’t felt so loved and supported in so long! Even my best friend came up to Rochester with her 4 month old baby Tyler – talk about a special friend!!! Note: she is wearing the jewelry my mom made!
This past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind but we are coping. I go back to Rochester on Friday for a few days as we muddle through what would have been my mom’s 63rd birthday. Last year I was fortunate to have hosted my parents at my apartment and celebrated her birthday with her. My sister, aunt, and I will celebrate her birthday this year with lunch out at her favorite restaurant (where we also had the luncheon after her funeral service) and will have a quiet dinner with our dad that evening.
So, I am grieving, am okay, and am grateful having been able to celebrate my mom’s life. Though it ended too soon in my eyes, life is about choices…and the choices she made lead her to where she was. It’s a huge lesson on acceptance for one’s path to unfold as it will and to not interfere with the natural unfolding of one’s path, though I full well knew what was ahead. May we all live each day as our best with joy, love, and quality as we never really know when we are to be called back home to God.
I am sorry I haven’t updated my blog in a bit, but understand that no news is good news. Overall, my transition to Boston has been fantastic, and I’m learning so much more about myself at deeper levels than I ever could’ve imagined. I now see why this move was necessary – Boston was absolutely calling me to awaken parts of me that were dormant for far too long!
I’m simply writing tonight because I’m having a bad day – honestly this is the first bad day I’ve had since May when everything seemed to go wrong. Long story short, someone who I thought was a good friend here showed me a side that I didn’t like, and I had to break away from the friendship. It’s consumed way more time and energy than I wanted, and though pulling away is the right thing, I feel back to square one again. I embrace this, it’s not a bad thing. I’m just surprised to have seen certain patterns repeat again that I thought I learned and that I wouldn’t have to experience again. I don’t want to get into detail, but just saying.
On a separate note, I’m beyond frustrated that people judge me as soon as they hear what my profession is. I know it’s a reaction out of not understanding my work so I don’t take it personally at this point, but it all reached a head today and I had to cry because I feel it’s challenging to find a partner who “gets it.” I have put myself out there into the dating world more than I ever have thus far in my life, and it continues to be an area of rejection for being who I am. I know this is all helping me narrow down the focus to those who really do get me, but meanwhile it can feel quite lonely. I don’t want to be taken advantage of, I don’t want to be judged, and I don’t want to be hated simply because of a label. It’s happened more than not lately, and I’m sad. This world needs more compassion, love, and acceptance of each other, and it’s disheartening to see it hands-on that we aren’t there as a society. :-(
Enough of my rant – I think I need some good, sound sleep tonight. I really wish I had someone to hug tonight to tell me it would be okay. ;-(
This weekend has been transformational and finally feel the shift energetically I’ve been needing to feel for a few weeks.
I began going to meetup groups and they help me with self-growth, discovery, and finding connections. Saturday I attended a Spiritual meetup which was eye opening for me, and last night I went to an Italian language group in Little Italy. OMG I am in heaven!
I didn’t get much sleep last night! I think I was high on life feeling the excitement of being where I know I’m supposed to be. I’m meeting the right people, am in the right situations, at the right time. Life feels great and I am happy! My energy is starting to balance out and I’m excited to see what’s next. :-)