In a recent conversation with a friend, she pointed out that I’ve had a lot of major changes within the last 5 – 6 years. Until she listed them out, I didn’t realize how true it is! Here are some of the major ones I can recall that we talked about:
- I quit my dream corporate job, packed up my stuff from the cool city apartment I had and put it into storage so I could move to Europe. Upon returning to the states, I did not have a typical day job to come back to, and essentially didn’t have my own home.
– I lived abroad for 3 mo. without really knowing a soul, and having language as a bit of a barrier.
– Upon returning to the US, I lived with my parents for about a month (it was great to stay for such an extended time through the holidays). It was…interesting…being back in my hometown. I don’t identify with it at all anymore.
– I returned back to Seattle and moved in with Ajith, which was not easy. I didn’t have any of my own things with me except for my clothes (it was all in storage and difficult for me to access). I struggled a lot with that…it felt like I lacked identity. I was in his space with his stuff; difficult to make it feel like it was “ours.”
– Ajith and I broke up after an on/off again 7 years
– Relationships in NC haven’t been the same (I didn’t expect them to be considering time changes everything) but not feeling like I have the same support around me as I did before I moved has been taxing. I’m grateful for those who are here, don’t get me wrong, but it is different.
– I had a really nice relationship with Avi last year which ended when he went back home to Israel. Letting go was definitely hard…he is the sweetest person I’ve dated so far. I’m fortunate though to still be in touch with him.
– The reality of being a mid-30-something and feeling like I don’t belong where I am is sinking in. - Therefore I’m relocating (again) to Boston in the Spring, once winter is over. ;-) I am grateful that my intuition speaks so clearly to me that it’s obvious Boston is where something next for me is at.
One of my friends commended me that I seem to handle change flawlessly. That is not the case… I told her about one of my most memorable moments when I was NOT doing okay with change and felt like I was crumbling.
The moment I sat on the airplane the day I left to move to Italy is when I fell apart. I couldn’t believe that I was finally there, in the very moment I had spent months preparing for. It hit me all at once that I quit my job, didn’t have a home, was praying that the school I was supposed to go to learn Italian at was legit/not a scam, and realized that all the possessions I needed for the next 4 months were in a suitcase I checked (hoping it’d arrive safely in Italy with me). I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew so much was riding on that moment. Talk about pressure and freaking out!!!
I recall it took me about 5-6 weeks before I embraced la dolce vita.
There was one evening it clicked and I just felt at complete ease, realizing the biggest decision right then was, “What restaurant should I eat at tonight?” It was that moment that was worth every bit of self-doubt, questioning, worrying, and stress I had experienced previously! I shifted energetically, and that sense of peace and tranquility is what I’m striving for again though this time right now is challenging.
I am embracing change, little by little, trying to do so with ease, kindness, and patience with myself. Too often we forget to nurture ourselves, and put more added pressure when it’s not necessary. This is something I’m working on releasing…a process constantly evolving. We also forget to give ourselves credit for all we do, which is why it’s amazing to list out the (major) events of my own life over the past few years. It’s a lot to digest…and it’s even more courageous to follow the path less traveled. :-) Cheers to that!